Random Musings

i almost forgot about this thing. i ran across a folder of pics called "livejournal" and i remmebered.

the holidays were ok. i went back to napean for a couple of weeks to see my family. i got some cool presents. my parents bought me an external hardrive for my laptop, so now i can keep all my music on there. i got Instrument by fugazi and evil dead dvds from my brother and sister. other random stuff... clothes... gift certificates... my grandmother gave me a bottle of old spice. she said if i wear it girls will chase me. i dont believe it, but its a nice thought.

im pertty much "over" melanie i guess. not really. but i dont stay up all night thinking about her or making mix cds for her anymore. i still think about her all the time but its slowly getting better i think.

i told my roommate that i started a livejournal and he called me an emo fag. true story. he told me that all I need to get over melanie is to get wasted and have a one night stand with some random girl from slutwaters or something. i feel horrible enough without a hangover and a strange girl in my room.

i will admit that I laughed today for the first since we broke up. theres a few cab companys here in town that offer debit, and they have signs on there cars that say "we do debit". but today I saw one on campus where some genius peeled off the "t", so it said "we do debi". maybe I should give this debi girl a call.

you know that episode of south park where kyles gf breaks up with him and he starts being really depressed and hangs out with the goth kids? thats how i feel. im not going to start wearing eyeliner or anything, but i feel sick and depressed all the fucking time. i know its supposed to be a joke and i laughed a lot the first time i saw it, but it really fits what im dealing with right now as pathetic as that is.

melanie told me she needed space to figure out if she wants to still be with me or not. when she said that, i was really surprised and kind of pissed but i believed her and i thought shed come around after a few days of not seeing me. but im pretty sure shes avoiding me now and never wants to see or talk to me again. i sent her a few emails and she never wrote back to any of them and i think she blocked me on msn. wtf.

if she didnt want me around her at all, i wish shed have just told me that instead of playing these stupid fucking games with me. so i guess im bettr off.

my gf broke up with me a 9 days ago. i cant get her out of my mind. i seem to run into her everywhere and it hurts so much to see her out being happy, like she used to be with me. i dream about her so slep is no escape. i cant sleep lately anyway, so i guess that doesnt matter. like right now. im trying to find interesting stuff on the internet to distract me, so i made this journal. i dont know if ill keep updating it or not.